The Emotional Journey of an Academic Year

It's June. I remember the shock of June 1st, of finally realizing that summer was arriving, that the year was finishing; that my time at LSE was rapidly approaching the end. And now, amazingly, it's June 11th. Already. Another 10 days evaporated away into the ether. But in that time, three exams have been done (hard exams!), and just one left to go. Things continue moving forward. I get kicked out of my residence in less than a month, and I'll be heading to Canada for the summer just a few weeks after that.

I was scanning through some of my blog postings from the past year in London, and paging through some of my journal entries, trying to make some sense of the year behind me. I've been thinking about how fast it has all flown by, about how much fun I've had, and how it's been such an amazing, fun, easy-going year. But retrospectively, after looking through my entries, it's been a LONG and hard year in London. It hasn't been easy. Not at all.

Part of coming to London was the opportunity of LSE; another part of it was the need to get away from home again; to have some space; to find myself on my own terms, away from the pressures and constraints and routines of home. And I think I've done that. It's been a rough road, getting to a place where I feel comfortable with who I am and where I fit into this world. Even then, I have days were nothing makes sense and I see a heavy fog descend upon the path ahead.

The winter was particularly challenging for me in that regard. I felt strange and awkward and lonely and misunderstood. Disappointment after disappointment, coupled with the grayness of London and the snowy lull of Christmas in Canada, locked me in a weird state of restless surreality. Nothing felt real or tangible. I felt really, really lost.

All the while, London was my salvation. Falling in love with its dark winding streets, green parks, and warm pubs was what held me through with my chin held high. There was so much anger and frustration and dissatisfaction in me, it sometimes caught me off guard. I never realized how much baggage I have. But the load is getting lighter. Or maybe I'm just getting stronger, and more capable of carrying it?

It's been an amazing year, however, and while it's been emotionally challenging, and very low at times, the highs have been VERY high. I've had a ton of fun, met very interesting people, and have had exciting adventures in new lands. What's more, my spring fling appears to be continuing on into the summer. It's been seven weeks now, and it's getting better, not worse. A nice way to end this chapter at LSE.