After a month of visa-related anxiety, and a stupid hiccup that had me convinced I was going to be deported, I finally got my passport back from the UK Border Agency yesterday. I'm a LEGAL RESIDENT. I'm here. And I can be here until February 2012.
So I guess I can begin to feel grounded now, for a while. Which means I really need to get my shit together. I'm really bored with how things are right now. I'm bored with my patterns, I'm bored with my days, I'm bored with the people I'm meeting, etc. It's been a long time since something really inspired me. And this, of course, is all my fault.
The only thing that I'm really thrilled about right now, surprisingly, is the fact that I'm single. I think this is the first time in my life that I've actually really, really wanted to be single. Being with someone, for a while now, has just seemed so unnatural, so foreign. I get why it works for some people (though many of my friends that are with people, it's not working, it won't work), but I just can't envision myself in that position.
Maybe it's because I haven't met anyone I've found interesting in the longest time, maybe it's because I've just grown into my cynicism. I don't really know. The happiest I am right now, is alone: running in Battersea Park, walking on the Southbank, reading in bed, smoking an early-morning cigarette in the quiet solitude of our mews (not that I ever smoke).
I barely even have the stomach to socialise with anything but a select group of friends right now, how could I even begin to fall in love? Gross.
(Still, I guess a tiny part of me, somewhere, hopes everything I just wrote is a lie. I fear, however, that tiny part may be a voice from the past.)
