Vancouver Is Just a (beautiful) Place

If there is anything Christmas has been this year, it's snowy. Inconveniently snowy. Snow everywhere! Snow always! Snow snow snow!

After a cold 2 days stopping over in Toronto, I was looking forward to balmy Vancouver, but I arrived home to record low temperatures and historically high accumulations of snow. Shit - it was crazy! It's finally starting to melt, leaving pools of slush and brown water on the streets of Vancouver. Not romantic, but at least I can leave the driveway now.

I'm sitting in a cafe on Commercial Drive right now, sipping tea and thinking about things. I love travel because I feel like it offers a chance for me to objectively see my world; the distance allows me to gain perspective on my own life. Being in Vancouver has given me a bit of that perspective. Which scares me, I suppose, as that makes it feel all the more like I'm a visitor here. It doesn't feel so much like coming home, as it does like I'm a guest in a place I used to live.

After living in Singapore, returning to Vancouver was a real homecoming. I still had another year of University left after my return, and all my friends were still here. Even though Singapore became my home while I was away, Vancouver still embraced me as home when I came back. Now I'm visiting for the holidays, with no intention to move back anytime soon. I suppose that's the reason I feel like a guest: it doesn't seem like home because I don't see myself here anymore. Or because I don't want to see myself here.

I'm meeting a former love interest for tea at this cafe in a few minutes. How does one greet someone that one used to love (ish), and then didn't, and now doesn't? And how do you greet them for the first time after not seeing them since the time when things were very, very different? With a hug? A kiss on the cheek? ... A handshake?

Life is so awkward. Blurg.

Toronto (is not my lover)

I stopped in Toronto for two nights on my way back to Vancouver for the holidays. Part of me just wanted to see it (it's my country's largest city, and I've never actually been) and visit some friends, but another part of me was window shopping for a new city. It seems like in the last year or two, every time I go to a new city I’m more consciously assessing whether or not I can see myself there. I know Vancouver well (obviously, it’s my home), and find it has a combination of beautiful urban qualities unmatched by any other global city I’ve been to. I love it, but I’m not convinced I’m meant to end up there forever. London I love, and I can picture myself being very satisfied there long-term. The cultural and professional opportunities - coupled with the general charm of the city and the (Vancouver-like) mild climate - are exactly what I’m looking for. But at the same time, I’m open to another city sweeping me off my feet; I’m open to an endless number of urban possibilities.

Toronto is (in many regards) the cultural and economic centre of (Anglo) Canada, with a population twice the size of Vancouver’s. I like the fact that the music scene is better, that so many companies are headquartered there, that I can get a good job easily, etc. On paper Toronto seems like it has a lot to offer me, and so I was totally open to being charmed and courted. And to be honest, I was partly hoping it would win me over. Five million people seems like two-point-seven-million more opportunities to fall in love and be happy than in Vancouver. But in the end, Toronto didn’t really reach out to me. I realize you can’t really make judgements about a city in 36 hours, but sometimes you just know. I liked it, but I'm not sure it's in my cards.

And so, my thoughts return to London. Beautiful London. I’ll see you again in three weeks! Though I must admit that I’m going window shopping in NYC in January, and as always, I’ll keep an open mind.

One Day in London

I was back home in London for one day between Stockholm and heading back to Canada for the holidays. It just fell so good to be back in the city without the stress of school and the newspaper and travel and applications. Weirdly, it seemed like I was the only one in London that day, and I kind of liked it. The last few weeks have been so hectic, and having a day to myself in the city I love was exactly what I needed.

This is taken on the Victoria Embankment on the Thames Path, along the route I take to school everyday.

Stockholm (again)

After a bit of a downer week, some close friends gave me a much-needed kick in the pants. With the ensuing attitude check, I had a fantastic finish to the week in London, before flying to Stockholm for the weekend. Between my friends and all of Tracey’s friends, there were a million people to see. A lot of friendly familiar faces, and plenty of new ones too. Everyone seemed to be in Stockholm this weekend - it was great!

On Monday I went into overdrive to finish my creative writing portfolio for Brown by the application deadline (11:59pm EST). With the help of some new-found inspiration, I was able to put a solid ending on a story I’ve been working on over the last couple weeks in London. I really liked the style and general direction of the piece, but somehow the plot had gotten away from me and I didn’t think I’d be able to include it. Alas, I was able to backtrack and take it in a new direction that - I think - worked quite well. It was a bit of a victory, and finally getting my portfolio in the mail felt great. It doesn’t matter so much whether I get into the program now, what matters is that I was able to finish some really good pieces that I am proud of. Very encouraging.

Winding, winding down...

My first semester at LSE ends tomorrow. It's been a great term. I've met amazing people and have had a really good time. It's gone by too quickly, of course, and it's kind of depressing to think I'm halfway through my program. I suppose the real goal of studying here is to attach an MSc to my name from a really prestigious university, but for me, going to school is more about the GOING, not so much the finishing. I don't really like the finishing part, particularly when you're having such a good time.

In other regards, I go back and forth between feeling good about things, and being terribly disappointed in myself. Part of coming to London was for me to have an opportunity to get closer to my best self. I love this city so much, but as far as personal goals, I haven't really moved any closer to becoming the person I want to be. I've got so much work to do on myself, it sometimes just feels just too overwhelming. And life here moves so quickly, if you don't really dig your heels in, it's quite easy to get swept along in the chaos. It's quite easy to move forward without really moving forward. That's part of what I love about London, though. Even though I recognize it's kind of dangerous.

I'm applying for a Master's program at Brown University. It's in literary arts, and it's hella competitive. It was my dream for the longest time, getting into Brown. Now I'm not so sure. I see so much potential in London, in the millions of faces walking through the streets of this beautiful dynamic city. I feel like there are so many stories here; so much to learn and experience. Even though the program at Brown is fantastic (and I would be LUCKY to get in), I can't help but wonder how hard the adjustment would be moving to Providence, RI. It's a lovely little city, and an Ivy League school, but... well... London has a hold on me. And I suppose only time will tell how strong its grasp is!

Weekend in Belfast

Went to Belfast for the weekend with some friends.  It was frosty and freezing cold, but thankfully the streets were lined with plenty of warm, friendly pubs.  Besides that, Belfast is interesting and also not too interesting at the same time.  Not a whole lot to see, but we enjoyed mulled wine and festive treats at a very nice Christmas Market in front of Belfast City Hall. 

I returned home on Monday evening (December 1st) to see that my local cafe had put up a Christmas tree.  Hard to believe I'll be on a plane for Christmas in Canada now in just over 2 weeks.  The fall has melted away.  Life does that when you're having fun. 

A Weekend in Sevilla, Spain

I had a really nice past weekend in Sevilla (Seville), Spain with friends from LSE.  We downed palate-pleasing pitchers of sangria and tasty tapas; strolled down orange-tree-lined streets bathed in warm sunshine, and sipped cafe con leche in lovely medieval squares.  Mucho relaxing.

23rd Birthday in Paris

I spent my birthday in Paris, staying with François and his family. Jean and his girlfriend Elodie came up from Nice, and Hana came down from Sweden. It was a really nice weekend.

We spent one day in Normandy, touring the beaches and the war cemeteries (and stopping to sample some cider along the way). It actually felt really important to be there. Seeing cross after cross of 18-year-old, 20-year-old, 22-year-old, row upon row, really put things into perspective.

Jean's lovely girlfriend spoke very little English, so Hana and I tried our hardest to speak as much French as possible. It was exhausting and made me realize how bad my French has gotten, but also it was a lot of fun. Every time I go to France I realize again how much I want to live there at some point, and how important it is to me to get my French up to par.

Also, yes, I'm 23. Two years from 25, which is only 5 years from 30. I'd like to say I don't have a problem with getting older, but part of me really believed I would've accomplished a lot more by this age. I think my 15-year-old self would be simultaneously proud and disappointed by where I am right now. I'm not 100% sure which side he'd be leaning towards; I suppose it doesn't matter anyway.

Halloween Magic

As the weather got colder and the days got shorter and the icy winds blew autumn leaves past my feet as I strolled the dark grey streets of London, it was more than apparent than Halloween was just around the corner.  But alas, I am no longer in Halloween territory.

I tried to round up some friends for an evening outing to an atmospheric english cemetery, telling scary stories by candlelight.  No takers.  I know I'm ridiculous, and I recognize that most people are not.

Luckily Jelena and I were able to go to a candlelit screening of Nosferatu (1922) in the old Union Chapel in Islington.  It was very cool, very gothic, very halloweeny.  But as we walked out of the church at the end of the film, our jaws dropped as big white snow flakes fell gently upon our faces.  It was pure magic!  A snowstorm in October!  

We found out the next day that it was the first October snow to hit London in over 70 years.  So while it was not the Halloween magic I was searching for, it was a great big slice of halloween magic nonetheless.

Chris Garneau: The Interview

As promised earlier, here's the Chris Garneau interview. The feature based on this goes to print this Tuesday in PartB of The Beaver, for any of you in London. Check out my official music blog project here.
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TM: You’re in the middle of your second European tour this year, touring with the same albums and hitting a lot of the same cities. What’s different this time around?

Chris Garneau: This time around I have a piano, which is one important difference for me. It makes my shows a bit easier to play. But you know, I am looking forward to putting out the next album. I am a little bit tired of touring this record. It’s been two years, but it seems longer than that because I was touring a bit before it came out too. And I’ve been actually playing in New York for years before it came out. So I’ve been really actually playing these songs for like, 4 to 5 years.

TM: What do you pack when you’re on the road? What’s essential?

CG: I’m getting better at packing. You know, I wish I had cool, funny things that are cute. I don’t, really. I have selected clothes and a computer. And a couple books that are in French, because I’m trying to relearn French again. And, you know, that’s about it. I try to keep it to a bare minimum.

TM: You started Music For Tourists when you were a teenager, and you’re now 25. Playing these old songs over and over again for years, do you feel like that’s locked you in the past? Particularly considering that these songs deal with some pretty heavy personal issues?

CG: It sort of just makes the anticipation for playing new material higher and higher. It’s not that I don’t still have attachments to a lot of these songs, but in a sense because the majority of them were written so long ago, I sort of see how my song writing has changed. And I just become very excited to play new material for people. So it’s not like dramatically keeping me in the past, but it just makes me anxious to play new material.

TM: Some of your songs - like Baby’s Romance, which deals with molestation - are pretty intense and personal. You’ve said it’s been really cathartic for you to write them, but does it become tortuous when you’re playing them over and over again, years later?

CG: No, it really doesn’t. There’s some times - and not very often - where a song will sort of make me personally emote, like to myself, where I realize that I’ve sort of gone through something again suddenly. But that’s pretty rare. Each of these songs are sort of in me, and they just come out and then they’re gone. I perform them - and they are just performances in a way. They’re pieces I’ve written, and they were cathartic to write then, and now they serve as art that I show to people.

TM: How is it for your family to listen to that kind of material, which is also personal to them?

CG: I think in the beginning, when they first heard these songs... it was quite challenging for them to hear. But it never was to the point where they felt like they wanted to be detached from me or from what I did. They still continued to support me very strongly.

TM: In your interviews you’ve been an open book. You’ve talked about your sexuality, your love life, child abuse, drug abuse. Is there anything that’s off limits or that’s too personal?

CG: I guess not. There’s nothing that I won’t really discuss specifically. I don’t really like delving into sexuality issues or child abuse issues. Besides being honest about the facts, I don’t really find there to be too much to discuss otherwise. And I find it to be distracting to what I’m trying to do in general, which is to play music. So when people overly examine the sexuality issue or the child abuse issue, I get sort of frustrated.

TM: You and your boyfriend Grant Worth just released a polaroid photography project? Can you tell us about it?

CG: Yeah, I’m glad you brought it up. We were working on photos at home for a couple years. He makes videos, but as far as photography and film, he just uses polaroid. So we’re always working on stuff, but we decided we should actually start an official project.

It started with doing a birthday set at home, so we baked a big ugly cake and made a whole birthday scene. And then after we shot that first one, we decided that it would be kind of cool to make a few different settings. And then that’s where we drew the inspiration from the Choose Your Own Adventure Series books. Luckily we had some summer travel plans, so we were in a few different interesting locations. We were in the redwood forest for a couple weeks, and we did another set there. It was really fun, and now we’re selling some of our favourite ones.

TM: You’ve talked a lot in the past about your love of animals. Playing music and playing with animals can both be very isolating. Do you not like people very much?

CG: I love to spend time with my friends. I don’t really like being around a lot of people, in the sense of cities and stuff. Like even in New York - it sounds weird cause I live in New York, but I do live in a smaller neighborhood in Brooklyn - my house is in a fairly quiet little area. And I don’t really ever have to go into Manhattan for anything special or important. So I kind of stay in the parameters of a few blocks for the most part. And end up doing not a whole lot besides either being at home or spending time with my friends. So it’s not that I don’t like being around people, I just don’t like being around chaos. So home ends up being the best place for me.

TM: Tell us about the new album.

CG: It’s coming out in the end of winter 2009, and I’m very anxious to put it out. I think it sort of has some strings attached to my first collection of songs, but it takes a bit of a different direction in the end. And as a whole, it’s a bit more of a conceptual record, and it’s more organized, and slightly less random. And there’s just a giant group effort on the whole record; there’s a lot of people that played on it. There’s percussion on most of it, which is sort of a big leap into the future for me. Lyrically speaking, it’s different in such a way that it’s a bit less of a self-focused record. There’s songs about other people besides myself, if you can imagine that.

TM: What’s your idea of success?

CG: [We] were driving in the car down to a show a couple days ago, and it started pouring like one of the craziest rains I think I’ve ever seen in my life. It was really kind of scary. We were in the mountains in southwest France, and heading towards the Alps, and leaves were blowing around, and it was just crazy, crazy weather. And I was just thinking that... a really comfortable place for me to be in my career, would be to be doing well enough to not have to be the one to drive through hurricanes and storms in the mountains. That would be kind of a nice place. I don’t need to have a big crazy Mariah Carey tour bus.

I wanna make sure that I’m able to still keep putting out records and writing. I have plans for the next record, and the record after that. And I wanna make sure that I can do that comfortably. And that’s all I really want. But you know, maybe to be able to have a little country house and city apartment. Just kind of... simple dreams, nothing too extravagant.

A Beautiful Fall Day in Oxford

After yet another stressful week, I headed to Oxford for the day on Friday to relax and explore with friends from my program.  It was sunny and crisp, and the city was adorned beautifully in autumn splendor.  We finished it with a great healthy meal at the Nosebage and got nicely drunk on red wine for the bus back to London.  Fantastic.

Miracle Fortress on Brick Lane

Well, last night combined two of my loves: one from home (Canada's Miracle Fortress) with one from my new home (London's Brick Lane). Graham Van Pelt and his cast of musical magicians were hitting up 93 Feet East yesterday evening, and I was lucky enough to get on the guest list thanks to connections at The Beaver.

Virginia and I headed over early and hung out in the bar for a bit, where they had a monthly arts night going on (arts & crafts, book club, poetry slam, etc). Cool, chill people (I love East London), and the girls that organize it actually work at the Tate Modern, my beloved neighbour. 

I was feeling pretty shitty last night, but the concert was still pretty magical.  I love Miracle Fortress so much, and they make me want to try Montreal one more time.  They make me want to roll around in cotton candy and dance till the sugar melts. 

Weekend Visitors & the Week After

Veronika & Virginia were in town this weekend finishing off their Euroventure.  It used to be weird hanging out with friends in strange cities (or having friends from home visit me in another city), but for the last couple years that's just become regular life.  It's nice.  It's special.  It's fun.

Really looking forward to Paris in November.  Skyped with François last night, and he scared the shit out of me, telling me the horrors we would endure in exploring the catacombs (the non-touristy illegal ones).  Apparently I should expect to be up to my waste in cold muddy water after squeezing through sewage pipes and crawling over piles of human bones on my stomach.  Obviously I'm really excited about dying underneath one of the prettiest cities on earth.  

Me and You and Everyone We Know

A crazy stressful week in London, but a success.  I got a presentation on environmental economics vs. ecological economics over with, and while it was the least prepared I think I've ever been for a presentation, and the worst one I've probably ever given in my academic career, it wasn't an outright disaster.  In any case, it's done.

Stress two was the Newspaper.  This week's theme was "comics," and as nobody was willing to write anything about that for the film section, I was left to my own devices.  I went to the Of Montreal show on Thursday evening with my friend Susan, which meant I woke up Friday morning bleary-eyed and with a deadline 8-hours away.

And so, I emailed my friends Jordan & Ben for some advice, and they helped get the creative process going (I love you guys!).  Then I got an email from the PartB editors saying they were turning the entire PartB into a comic book this week.  That actually made things a lot easier, given my time constraints.  I took some of the points J&B brought up, photographed some friends, matched the dialogue to the photos using Comic Life, and success!

Met some friends in Southwark later in the evening and we talked about life and love (and lack there of).  Loneliness is interesting.  It's amazing how absorbed we can get in our own loneliness, to the point where we often don't even realize that the people around us are feeling the same way.  Me and you and everyone we know.  

I don't understand love.  It's so intangible, and yet it defines everything I am looking for, hoping for.  I'm trying to concentrate on THINGS I love, because I don't see any other alternatives.  I think if I keep walking my journey, keep fighting for things I find beautiful and meaningful and worth while, maybe I'll meet someone.  

Maybe, baby.

Pop Punk & Spoken Word in Shoreditch

Well, my sweet-motha'-of-a-friend Susan took me to the Old Blue Late, a bar owned by Vice Magazine in Shoreditch, for the Japanther concert on Sunday night. It was my third consecutive concert night, and a bad decision for my studies, but how could I say no to Susan and free music and Shoreditch? These are all really good things. Her ex is a music producer/promoter, who actually put out Japanther's album, and so she was on the guest list and got us in for free.

There was some weird spoken word delivered by a sweaty gentlemen of a certain age, to the soundtrack of Japanther and a flute. It was unique, and kind of the highlight of the evening. Also, the first mosh pit I've seen in  a long time. I thought those had become totally unfashionable in the age of the polite and soft-spoken hipster?

This week has gotten crazy busy for me between school and the newspaper and poor decision making. I want to have a torrid affair in the streets of London. I want to move to a cabin in the woods, drink wine over candlelight, and write a novel about said affair. I want something to hold onto. I want someone to hold onto. I want London to rock my world again this week.

The Week of Chris Garneau: How London Made It All Happen

Well, this week has totally rocked my world. London has opened so many doors, and I've been walking through them recklessly. The week started with my first round of classes, progressed to me getting really sick, and finished with a festival of words and music.

School is going well, I suppose, though I haven't started my readings or thought too much about my classes, I must admit. I went to a couple meetings this week for different Uni Newspapers, and was planning to write for a journal as well, but I ended up interviewing with the editors of PartB - the arts and culture section of the LSE Newspaper, the Beaver - and I got the position of Film Editor! It's a bit of a commitment, but I'm excited to sink my teeth into something non-environmental policy, and hopefully I will meet some other creative-minded folks amongst the masses of serious, serious LSE students.

Just when my week was getting exciting, I got the word that I was interviewing Chris Garneau (one of my absolute favourites) this weekend. I was ecstatic! Friday night myself, Christian, Jelena, and her friend Katie headed to Kilburn to hear Chris play at the Luminaire. I had heard he was tiny, but really, he's probably the smallest grown man I've ever seen in my life. He plays up the cutesy childish mannerisms on stage too, and it's really adorable. It was a fantastic show.

I was supposed to meet Chris Saturday afternoon for tea, but he called in the morning to say some things had come up and that it would be better to meet at the venue in Camden Town later in the evening. His van got stuck in traffic, but he got to the Roundhouse in time for setup and soundcheck, which I was, of course, more than happy to sit and watch.

Afterward I got to sit down with Chris for about a half hour in his dressing room and chat a bit about the past, the present, and the future. He's a really nice guy, and meeting him made me appreciate his music a lot more. It made already beautiful music seem more... human. And I was pretty good, I think, for my first interview.

I stayed behind after and caught the show. He was opening for Adrian Crowley, and so it was a very chill crowd (everyone sitting down cross-legged and listening attentively). A very nice evening, and a perfect end to a very good week in London. On the tube home that night I got hit on by a very drunk and affectionate British girl, which was embarrassing for both of us. I got the royal treatment from Camden to South London, and it was all-around unfortunate. Needless to say, the people in the train were entertained.

Thanks London, for making some of my dreams come true, for giving me some hope, and for keeping me on my toes.

Notting Hill & Beyond: A Lovely Autumn Day in London

Jelena and I decided we had spent enough time in the library reading (or pretending to), and decided to take a day off to explore Notting Hill.  It was sunny and crisp; a beautiful fall day.

We walked up and down Portobello Rd, had some coffees and snacks, and then walked back to central London through Hyde Park, which - in the peak of fall - couldn't have been lovelier.

We topped off the evening with dinner at a veggie/vegan restaurant in Covent Garden called Food For Thought, which came highly recommended by my friend's Christian and Susan.  The lines scared me away last time I walked by, but we managed to squeeze in this evening.  

I've been having a really rough time being a vegetarian here, since I don't have any kitchen access, and I'm (theoretically) living on a budget.  This has meant that I've mainly been eating cold sandwiches and salads, and have NOT been getting a very balanced diet.  But tonight I had winter root vegetable mash with wild mushrooms and vegetables.  It was a piping hot bowl of veggie love, and exactly what I needed.  I love you, Food For Thought!  I will see you soon!

Police, Pints, & Perspective

Well, my first official week in London has passed along sweetly.  I had my LSE course induction on Thursday, where the details of my program were laid out, and I got to meet the rest of my classmates.  We had a night out on Brick Lane, which was, of course, good East London fun.

On the walk to the pub, I got stopped by the police with my friends Kenta and Christian.  They asked to search our bags as part of the ongoing terror watch.  Being a snot, I asked to see their badges.  They showed them, laughing a bit at the use of the apparently American term "badge" (they also asked me where in America I was from, and I responded "The 51st state. Canada!").  

They gave us receipts for our records, but I used my "rights" and refused to give them my name and details (Police: Where do you live?  Me: South London.  Police: Well, that's pretty vague!).  They were friendly, nonetheless (as were Christian and Kenta, who politely complied).  When I got home however, I was disgusted to see that the officer had put my height as 5"8.  Rude!

Yesterday we had a club night at LSE for Fresher's week.  We had a beery and unhygienic game of flip cups, an American frat-boy classic, followed by lots of sweaty dancing to a regrettable soundtrack.  On the walk home, I stopped on the middle of Blackfriars bridge and looked out at the Thames.  It was windy as hell (as I've discovered London just always is), and the breeze whipped at me in a way that I could swear was cheeky but endearing.  

I had spent the last week hurrying around the city, trying to look as local as possible.  It's paid off, as I've had people asking me for directions almost daily (and so far, I've always been able to answer correctly).  Last night, though, I threw that to the wind (literally), and just stood there for the longest time on the bridge, soaking in the city: my city.  It feels so good to be here.  Life is easy, for the first time in a long time.  And I say that not really even knowing what "life" and "easy" really mean to me anymore.  

But regardless, things are good.

I see London, I see France, Germany, India, Japan, USA...

I went to a pub night yesterday with people from my program.  I'm really starting to love them more and more.  It's a fantastic group.  The countries represented include (and there are many more we haven't met yet): Canada, USA, Venezuela, UK, Germany, France, Austria, Netherlands, Bosnia, Italy, India, Israel, Japan...

When they said "behind the Tate Modern," they really meant BEHIND THE TATE MODERN.

So, I moved into my residence yesterday. I really love the area, and even more, I love my view. The Tate is one of the most debated pieces of London architecture - people love it or they hate it. I've always loved it, but now I've got a full year to ponder it from my bed.

Flats, Friends & Football

After viewing several disappointing flats that left me somewhat disenchanted with the idea of London life, I went out for dinner with a new friend Christian, from Boston. Afterwards I crashed into bed, and awoke to an email from the LSE accommodation board saying I had been accepted into the Bankside House residence off the waiting list. I was ecstatic! Bankside House is right behind the Tate Modern on the south bank - about a 20 min walk to LSE and central London. Hurray!!!

Saturday was spent in Regent's Park with people from my program at LSE. We had a picnic and then played football in the grass in bare feet for almost three hours. It was intense, but great group bonding. They seem to be some really quality people!