Adventures in Hard Decision-Making

I've been frozen in inaction for quite some time. With my lease and job coming to and end this month, though, it was time to make big decisions. And the decision I ended up making was one I didn't even realise was an option 10 days ago: homelessness.

I'm handing in my keys tomorrow morning, and I'm no longer looking for another flat. I'll be staying with friends for the next couple weeks, going back to Vancouver for a couple more weeks, then back to London early October. I feel like this is exactly the decision I need to make, the decision that will give me a bit of a financial and emotional reprieve, and allow me to garner some momentum, to concentrate on taking some big steps forward, professionally. That has to be my number one priority right now.

So I feel good about the decision, even if I feel bad about being without a home. I'm so thankful for the generosity of my friends in London, though, who have stepped forward to offer couches and storage and hugs. In that regard, I'm the richest boy in town.

Last night was my final sleep at Warwick Way, and the few hours I managed to squeeze in between packing and cleaning was interrupted by haunting, haunting dreams that left me tired and unsettled this morning, and sad about this transition. But there is opportunity and adventure in the months ahead, and the blessings of friends and of choice, and I need to cling onto the positivity of the situation, and concentrate on things I can productively work towards.

I'm committed to put love on the back burner for now, but the universe is cruel, and I'm not safe in my dreams. Waking up is hard when you get what you want - who you want - only when you're sleeping.

Tomorrow, Sarajevo. Saturday, Austria. Tuesday, back to London. And a couple weeks later, beautiful Vancouver: home. The waking hours are going to be good!

The Day Texas Sank To The Bottom Of The Sea

I'm homeless in two weeks.

I'm jobless in four weeks.

Worst of all: I've fallen - am falling - for someone.

Damn.

There's absolutely no certainty in my life right now. Everything after September is completely unclear, completely unknown. This is terrifying on so many levels -- where am I going to live? how am I going support myself? am I getting closer or further towards a break, towards success, my goals? But there's a lot to be said for this uncertainty. There's so much beauty in the unknown, so much to learn and be inspired by if you can throw yourself fully into that universal ebb-and-flow of change and transition.

Things are going to come to me, things are going to happen. I feel like I'm at the cusp of transition, after a year in limbo. I need to keep my chin up now, keeping searching and fighting and hoping. And we'll see where the cards fall, come September.

Regardless, I'll do the best I can at playing my hand.

Not this again.

Thinking about not thinking about you counts as not thinking about you, right? Kind of? No?

Balls.